It's Cause I'm Black, Ain't It?
by Peridot0814
Summary: Even Aizen was slightly startled at the thought of being labeled as racist. (Inspired by ichilover3)


**It's Because I'm Black, Ain't It?**

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Bleach, or Tousens' ghetto ass. I give props to **ichilover3,** who is absolutely hysterical in every possible way and for giving me the idea to do this fic because of the fic **Proof that Killer Bee is Rubbing Off on** Naruto_._ If you're a Naruto fan, then GO! READ IT!

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"My beloved Espada…" Aizen began, just as every single one of the Espada meetings started: He would sit like the God he was at one end of the table with the amazing sexy smirk he had on his face at all times. Gin and Tousen, his main bitches, would be at either of his sides loyally. His chocolate gaze would then run the course of the table, taking in the occupants, otherwise known as his precious Espada.

There was his pet, Ulquiorra, with his eyes closed, probably trying to figure out the meaning of life. Stark, who would fake having narcolepsy and attempt to fall asleep in the middle of whatever beautiful words that had to come out of Aizen's mouth. He could see Nnoitra, arms folded behind his head and with his eerie Cheshire grin and severe underbite, just smiling away smugly, as if he had gotten away with murder. Seriously, Hueco Mundo needed an orthodontist or two. Then there was his flower, Harribel, who sat quietly with her arms wrapped underneath her gigantic, huge, beautiful, _mounds_ that Aizen just wanted to- _ahem._ Yeah, she was just sitting there. Then there was the masked freak that went by that extremely difficult name. Aizen had his ideas as to what those two skulls were doing in the privacy of their…tank. Yammy looked ready to eat something, and Barragan actually wasn't faking narcolepsy…the old fart was falling asleep. Szayel was constantly twitching his fingers in the manner that could only be depicted along with a scalpel. Whatever the hell happened in the scientists mind, Aizen did _not_ want to know. There was Zommari, who sat calmly, and then Grimmjow, who was clearly growing impatient.

"Hey, Aizen," Gin rudely interrupted. Aizen wanted to glower at him, but merely looked at him sideways. "Yes, Gin?"

"I'm not sure if ya' noticed already, but we're kinda missin' Tousen." Gin announced. Sure enough, the Espada's eyes fell onto the spot where Tousen would normally be standing, only to discover it empty. Aizen frowned, but only for a millisecond before he remembered that he was God and things like that didn't really matter. "I'm sure he has himself occupied with Wonderweiss."

"I dunno, I saw the kid in Szayel's lab an' Tousen was nowhere near." Gin shrugged, his grin creeping up higher onto his cheekbones.

"My lab!" Szayel immediately shot out of his seat in a desperate attempt to go save it before Gin shunpo'd to his seat and sat him back down.

"I was lyin'." Gin offered with the same grin.

Szayel glowered at Gin's retreating figure as the silver-haired man chuckled and returned to his original spot.

"Aizen-sama, may we proceed with the meeting?" Harribel asked calmly. Grimmjow nodded in agreement. "Even though there's fucking _nothing_ to do here, I got better things to do than waste my time with _these guys_." He glared pointedly at Ulquiorra, who didn't bother to bat an eye.

"Well, it would be _rude_ and _disrespectful_ to discuss important matters without one of my hen- I mean, _subordinates._" Aizen corrected himself. He brushed the strand of hair uselessly in front of his face, returning to his normal _"I watch you when you don't expect it"_ smirk, though the question was reverberating in his mind. Where the hell _was_ Tousen?

Surely, he was in the depths of the caverns in Hueco Mundo, observing and nurturing Menos, right? Or maybe he _was_ with Wonderweiss, trying to get him to spit up some unknown substance that wasn't supposed to be eaten. Yeah, that was most likely it.

But…but what if Tousen was doing something unprecedented? Like changing the plans of taking over Karakura? What if he had gone to the depths of Aizen's layer and watched as he used his zanpakuto as a decoy so he could stash away his beloved Hogyouku in his underwear drawer? Yes, underneath the limited edition of Chappy the Rabbit boxers? (What, mad evil people can't like cute things?)

His face remained calm and steady as a second ticked by before the door opened all the way, an ominous shadow licking the back of Aizen's chair.

'_Ah. There he is.'_ Aizen closed his eyes as he waited for Tousen's presence to come nearer. As he heard footsteps draw closer, Aizen knew he could officially begin the meeting, his paranoia easing away as quickly as it had risen. But then, something unexpected happened.

Harribel _squealed_.

Aizen would have passed it for a normal everyday thing for anyone else, but Harribel…she was the calmest one of them all. She was the one that was never perturbed. Even when Grimmjow had gotten rid of all of Zommari's clothing and underwear and said man was forced to run around naked until Harribel gave him the decency of letting him use her clothes. Everybody else? Let's just say they needed some serious deep therapy for the following four months.

But if Harribel squealed…

Aizen calmly turned to glance over to the side, his eyes widening a fraction larger as his heartbeat accelerated.

"Tousen…" Gin breathed out, his eyes actually open and his grin gone. As if on cue, Tousen began walking into the large room with huge, lumbering steps, his shoulders swaying and his head cocked with a sneer on his lips, something that people in the World of Living called..._swag_.

"Yo," Tousen said with a thick accent, one that was unfamiliar to all of them. His standard shinigami/Espada robes were replaced with baggy jeans that practically pooled at his ankles, but suspended tightly against his body below his butt thanks to a leather belt. He was wearing a tight purple wife beater, and bling in the form of gold chains hung down from his neck to his belly button. His glasses were replaced with white shades that had slits in them from top to bottom, his hair done in corn rows and an orange baseball cap to top it all off…and was that _gold _lining his teeth?!

An entire minute of pure silence passed before Aizen finally spoke, trying to keep the _wtf just happened_ factor out of his voice. "Tousen…may I ask the meaning of this?"

"S'all good, homie, s'all good." Tousen nodded, bobbing his head largely. "See, my kind in the human world are called _ghetto._ An' when I saw all dat cray shit, I was like, _'dayumn, I gotta get me some o' dat!'"_

"So what you're trying to say is that you decided to change yourself up entirely because of a cultural thing in the human world?" Gin's smirk was beginning to reappear. Tousen sneered. "Shut up, lil' foo, 'fore I come o'er dere and _make_ you."

Gin stopped smiling. Aizen calmly raised a hand. "Very well, Tousen, but please be here on time the next time we have a meeting."

He turned to the table, taking a mental picture of literally everybody with their mouths and eyes wide open. "Let's begin the-"

"_Hell naw_."

Aizen turned, cocking a brow at Tousen. "I'm sorry?"

"I said, _hell naw._" Tousen said stubbornly. "Look here, _homie_, I ain't comin' to these things if I ain't getting' no respect, so ya'll better accept that this is who I is, or you can kiss my ass goodbye."

At this point, the Espada promptly began paying attention to the bantering that made no sense and their leader, their heads swiveling back and forth like a game of ping pong.

"I anticipated that this would happen…_Kaname._" Aizen said calmly. "Please, when you have recollected your thoughts, you can return to the meeting."

A silence.

"It's cuz I'm black, ain't it?" Tousen asked in a dangerously low voice. Even Aizen was slightly startled at the thought of being labeled as racist. "Not at-"

Tousen slammed a hand down on the table, right next to Aizen's tea. "See here, lil' foo's!? He ain't got no respect for people of mah color or nothin'!"

"He has respect for me." Zommari said quietly. Tousen scoffed obnoxiously. "Foo, is you really _that_ blind?! He ain't got no respect fo' you at all! When's the last time he ever did something fo' you?!"

"Kaname, that is quite enough." Aizen's eyes flashed dangerously. Tousen whirled around, brass-knuckled fingers a breath away from Aizen's face.

"I see how it is," Tousen began nodding as if he passionately understood everything. His sneer grew wider as he began swaying his body side to side while bobbing his head in understanding. "I see how ya'll is manipulating these foo's, 'cuz they too _blind _to see what a motha-fucking prick you are, know what I mean?"

A collective gasp sounded from the table, Gin using his Zanpakuto to stab a random bucket of popcorn from the kitchen. Aizen said nothing, though his eyes seemed to glint with mischief.

"We will see about that, Tousen. Now please, if you aren't here to-"

"I'm gonna turn yo' own gang against you, Aizen-G." Tousen cut him off abruptly, all traces of any humor gone. With that, he turned on his heel, beginning the slow journey to his beloved Menos forest with long, swag-induced steps.

Aizen's mouth was pressed into a hard line as the Espada fixed their eyes on him.

Nnoitra broke the silence. "Does this mean we don't have a meeting?"

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I just had to XD let's face it…Tousen is one of the very few black people in Bleach: Yoruichi, Don Kanonji, Barragan, Mila Rose, Jackie and I think that's all of them.

BTW, I apologize in advance to anybody that I offended out there. This is purely a fiction for laughs.

I don't know if i want to continue this. You guys let me know! Also, will anybody be offended if i used the n-word? Sorry, i feel like if i used the n-word instead of foo, it would have been funnier :D


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